In the morning she wrote about death and posted it onto her blog, not knowing that in about twelve hours, her life would be flipped around. Leya knew she needed help, she knew she could not keep doing this. She was taken over again, completely this time. It scared her so bad, to lose control, and she pleaded her mother for help. Her anger fought through and tried tearing apart the scared girl. Her tears flowed as her heart rate soared. As Leya threw each punch, it was a punch to escape her inner demon.
The cops arrived to see a mess of a girl, sitting on the couch ready to go. She was patted down and handcuffed. Leya had no clue what was going on, she was just a shell from the war she had fought. She looked to the left to see her mother in tears at the kitchen table. She looked around for her sister, nowhere to be found. She glanced out the living room window to see two cop cars and an ambulance. Is it all worth it in the end, she continually thought to herself. Leya slowly walked to her mother, put her tied up hands over her head, and around her neck and hugged her, not knowing when she would see her next.
She followed the police officer, trembling. Leya looked around; making sure nobody on the street would see her being led out to a cop car. She had no clue what was in store for her. Her mind wandered, would it be like the hospitals in the books? She had no idea. She sat down in the cold plastic seat as he buckled her in. She waited there until he got in the front seat, where he made small talk with her.
"What music do you like?" he asked her, out of the blue.
"Rock," Leya replied.
He turned on the nearest rock station, 96.5 FM, and kept it on for a while. He was singing, but there was no noise from the backseat. All she did was glare out the windows, wondering if people could see her. See how much of mess she was. The policeman relied on his GPS to locate the hospital at which she would be admitted. Little did she know, this hospital was about an hour away from her own home. He was having so many problems finding the hospital, calling every so often for more details on how to get there. After getting off the phone, he noticed she was not enjoying the station.
"Wrong type of rock?" he asked her.
"Yeah, I'm more of an alternative girl." Leya said with a smile on her face.
To her surprise, he put on her favorite station, (102.1). She noticed he was not pleased, but she did not care. She noticed a song called, "Ignorance", on the radio station, which she belted out the lyrics, even though she had never heard the song before. The lyrics hit home, and she felt at peace. When they got off the highway, it was around 11:15, so all the "creepy people" were out. She was scared around them, even when she was protected within a cop car. The people stared at the cop car, probably wondering why a cop car from so far away is here.
They pulled into the hospital complex, not knowing where to go. Three other cop cars were lined up before them, so the police officer got out of the car to see what was going on. He finally came back after five minutes, explaining we had to wait here till it was our turn. Leya looked around curiously, and noticed her and the officer were two of the only white people there. That scared her, she was not overly racist, but something about black people scared her. When it was their turn, she was guided into a pure white room and two big black guys who were security officers, who fit the stereotype great. They were giants to her five foot one body. The cop handed her off to them.
"Thank you so much," Leya had told the officer.
"No problem and good luck," were the last words he had said, and then he left the room.
The two black guys asked her a lot of questions: "Do you have money on you?" "Do you have weapons on you?" "Do you have anything on you at all?" All her responses were, No. She handed over her coat and new Converse, and that's when reality had hit her. While giving them her shoes, she had realized everything that was her own was being taken away. She was being ripped away from everything that reminded her of home. They asked her to look at them, and quickly took her picture. Leya was then told to walk through a metal detector, which went off due to the fact that she had metal on her jeans.
After that, and being checked for weapons again, she was told to go to the check in desk. Check in desk, hah, is this like some sort of retreat? She shivered and complained of being cold, so they handed her a blanket, and immediately she curled up in its warmth. The lady at the desk left, and returned with a juice cup, that was probably expired, and a bologna sandwich, which she had no idea how old the sandwich was. It was already premade and probably set in the fridge waiting for mouths to devour it. The sandwich was pretty bad, Leya had to admit, but all her energy had been taken away by her rage, so she ate it anyways, hoping it would strengthen her. The lady at the desk asked her multiple questions, told her to sign there, here, and also here, and sent her to the waiting room.
The waiting room consisted of four couches, plastic couches, and a chalkboard wall around the whole room. This was the children's waiting room, but the walls showed things children could've never imagined to draw. Obscenity thrived in this room. Leya went into fetal position for both warmth and fear and hid underneath the blanket. The blanket did not give her warmth, but kept the heat she had inside. Her head was pounding, from being hit, and she just wanted to sleep. The problem was, the door had to stay open, and the lights had to stay on for her safety. Even worse, the nurses and waiting room attendants were loud, and it bothered Leya.
A lady finally entered the room and took her to a window. This window seemed so awkward, it was like that of a ticket booth, with a lady on the other side of the glass, a circle in the middle for talking, and a slit in the bottom for handing over objects. They asked her questions about her age, her location, insurance, and talked to her mother. The thing that bothered her the most is that they would not let her talk to her own mother. Oh, how she wanted to so bad. She felt horrible. After the process of information, she was sent back the waiting room.
She, once again, tried falling asleep in there, but no matter what, she could not. Her head was pounding worse than ever, and she just had to escape that room. Leya went up to the front desk and asked to use the restroom. They sent her to a black security guard and he took her there, and stood outside the door waiting for her.
She looked in the mirror, at a person she had never seen before. Her mind raced, who is that. That can't be me. I look dead, my eyes are sunken in and I'm so pale. She started to cry, wiped her eyes, and walked out the door to meet the security guard. He looked at her confused, then looked away and walked back to the waiting room with her.
She once again tried to sleep on the uncomfortable couches, curled up in the blanket. Surprisingly, she was almost asleep when this assistant walked into the room.
"So I heard you've been sad." He said. His words were so gentle and she looked up at him. He seemed so fragile and dorky. He's Adorable, she thought. Wow, checking out guys at a mental hospital, I've hit a new low.
She looked up at him, "Yeah, I have." Her voice was trembling and he held her hand. He started talking about life, about everything. It eased her mind, not to deal with the stress of the situation. He had a bit of a stutter and a lisp, which was cute.
The assistant got up and turned on the Television. He was looking for a station, until he finally decided on Rescue Heroes. Leya was confused, but watched it anyways, as he sat by her again. She felt his warmth and wanted to be closer to him, but felt that would be wrong. They watched this show for about twenty minutes, and he got up.
Before walking out the door, he looked at her, "They'll have your room ready soon. Good Luck." He looked once more at her, turned off the light, and he was gone. He left the Television on, and Leya was not awake enough to turn it off, so she left it as her head pounded harder. Once again, she curled into the blanket for warmth and tried to sleep.
To her surprise, she had fallen sleep for a bit. Then all of a sudden, this loud obnoxious black woman walks in, making fun of Leya's name. Leya stayed silent.
"Come with me." The attendant said. Leya followed, trudging along. The attendant stopped by the black security guard, conversed for a while, received Leya's bag with her shoes and coat, and took her upstairs. It seems like I've been walking forever. They finally reached the children's area, where the black woman left her with this older woman. She seemed to have a problem with Leya from the start, giving her dirty looks. This woman took her bag, and threw it into the closest room. How rude and disrespectful, I guess I deserve it. This woman handed her over to a doctor and went to the main desk in the area. The doctor took Leya to an examination room.
"Do you have any marks on your body?" The doctor asked first. How pleasant.
"I have some scars on my wrist, my legs, and stomach, and bruises on my legs." Leys said in a quiet voice. She looked over to the doctor, to see her taking notes on a picture of a body, marking each part with what Leya had said.
The doctor did the normal thing, checking pulse, blood pressure, weight, height, and everything else.
"Is there anything that hurts or that is wrong right now?" The doctor asked.
"Yes, my head is pounding and my stomach is churning." Leya said quietly. The doctor left the room, and told Leya to stay there. She came back with two pills, and instructed Leya to take them.
Leya took them, not even knowing what they were. After she had taken them, the doctor took her down to her room. It was on the right, right when you walk into the "ward". Leya noticed how strict security was here, and felt alone. She walked in the room, to notice she got her own bed, but she had to share a room. Her room was not ready at all, she had noticed. What the hell were they doing this whole time? The doctor turned on the light, and shut the door. The door had intricate locks, which Leya feared. She hated being trapped. The doctor made her bed in a rush. Then she turned off the lights, and shut the door, leaving Leya.
Her roommate moaned, and turned over, "What's your name?" she had asked.
"Leya, what's yours?"
"Laquita, whats you in here for?" Nice grammar, Laquita.
"For fighting, what about you?" Leya asked curiously.
Laquita mumbled something, not recognizable, and turned over. Well then, that explains a lot.
"Leya, one thing you should know, is that I have voices that tell me to hurt myself and others."
hell?! So they put me in a room with her, and close the door? Great. Laquita grew quiet, and moved a lot while she slept. She snored, and was a loud sleeper. The time was now 3:23, according to the girl in the next room's radio. Leya tried to sleep, but with the girl in the next room's music and the new surroundings, she just could not. She shook with fear, not knowing what would happen to her the next day.
She woke up, surprised that she had slept, and looked around. Her roommate was nowhere around, but the bathroom door was closed. She's probably in there; I need to remember to stay away from her. Leya sat up in bed, and noticed there was a radio in the middle of the two beds. She fussed with it, and got the same station that played while she was on her way there.
She got up out of bed, only to find her head still pounding like a drum. She looked outside, seeing bars on the windows. It seems like a prison, no wonder, I'm a horrible person. While looking outside, she noticed an abandoned playground. Outside seemed like a frozen tundra; everything was dead and depressing.
Her roommate finally appeared. So she was in there. Leya glanced at Laquita and started walking towards the bathroom.
"I'm not done," Laquita scolded, "My hair ain't dry yet." Leya quickly moved away from the door and lay back down in the cold, plastic bed.
"What nerve of some people." Leya said quietly to herself. She pulled the covers over her head, so block out the world. The radio was on. Hmm, I wonder what time it is. Leya listened to the radio, hoping to hear the time.
It seemed like forever until the radio broadcaster finally stated the time. 8:30. See, this was late for Leya. She was supposed to be in school right now; it was the day after Thanksgiving break. She sat and thought. What caused such emotions the other night? Wow, the other night, it was last night. Wasn't it? Crap, it doesn't seem like that happened less then twelve hours ago. All of that seemed like ages ago.
"All yours," Laquita said, annoyed, as she slammed the bathroom door. Leya jumped. Laquita seemed to have the mindset of a twelve year old. Her hair did not help deny the fact.
Leya got up, grabbed her towels, and headed towards the bathroom. What are these towels supposed to dry, my hands? Leya held up the small towel and giggled. The bathroom was pure white, like a hospital room, and the whole room reminded her of the fact. From the dressers, to the windows and the smell, all she could think about was hospital. Ugh.
Leya carefully inspected the shower before walking in. The shower was a walk-in, but looked as if it was cracked in numerous places. The bathroom, she had noticed did not lock and the shower was see-through. She did not want some random person walking in on her. In addition to that, the shower had a button that let water flow for three minutes. No more, no less. She pushed the button, and water flowed over the shell of a person.
The water was cold and unpleasant. Leya did not care. It felt good to have water wash away her pain, and get her mind on the cold water instead of her problems. The button seemed too short, and Leya got out.
When she got out of the shower, she attempted drying her body. The towel does nothing! She gave up, and put on her clothes. She was still a tad bit wet, but oh well. She looked in the mirror to see her eyes bruised. Great. I could either pass as getting the shit beat out of me, or I'm a stoner. Leya walked into her room, and noticed nobody was around. She noticed the radio was still on, and jammed out to some music. Head banging does wonders to dry your hair.
Leya soon walked out into the hall, to face her fears. She was afraid of who she might encounter. Who even goes to a place like this? Well. I guess I do. She opened up the door, to notice she was the first room in the "ward". There were twelve other rooms that followed, straight down to the nurses' desk. To the right of the nurses' desk, the sitting room; a big room with lots of tables and chairs like a cafeteria. To the left, a sitting room, somewhat of a living room type feel. Each of the rooms had windowed walls. Like watching monkeys in a cage. Ridiculous.
She walked into the living area to find three other people plus Laquita. A boy about seven years old, named James, a girl about fourteen, and a boy about twelve, who apparently was new here too. He was the darkest kid she had ever seen. He was probably one of the quietest too. The girl, Arica, seemed too preppy too be in here.
Leya's curiosity got the best of her. She wanted to know why everyone else was in here, if there were any like her. She stood against the wall, observing the people until James came up to her.
"What chu in here for?" He asked, looking up at her. James had to be the cutest kid she had ever seen. She wanted to hug him there right on the spot.
"Fighting," Leya said. That was a pretty much summed up version. "Hey, where'd you get that robe?"
"You get it when you first arrive here," he said," You didn't get one?"
"Nope," she replied.
"Do you want mine," he asked with a smile on his face.
"Sure," she said, and took it. How could such a cute, innocent little boy be in here? Leya went up and hugged him as he gave her his robe. She put it on immediately, hoping for its warmth.
A couple of workers came in with food, each with our names printed on them, and a specific food plan for each. On Leya's tray were eggs (scrambled), milk, and cereal. Leya did not like eggs or milk, so she stuck with the cereal.
After breakfast, they got ten minutes of free time to take pills. Leya made her way to a girl about the same age as her named Rhonda. Rhonda was not new, but she strayed alone in the group. Someone Leya could relate to.
"You ok?" Leya asked her, quietly, not to startle her.
"Yea," Rhonda said, "What you in here for?" That was the one question asked so often here. She ended up just briefing her story.
"I got into a fight." Leya replied.
"With who and did you win?" Rhonda asked eagerly.
"With people and there was no winner." She sat down next to Rhonda and conversed for a while with her.
Apparently, Rhonda was in here for the same reason as Leya. Suicidal, nobody actually says the word, but Rhonda did. She said it with pride. This sickened Leya, it was something she had been trying to fight and there sits Rhonda bragging about it. How she hated people like that, but this was the closest story she had found to her own.
She and Rhonda decided to get up and look through old magazines of Seventeen with a group of other girls from the ward.
"So pretty, I wish I was her."
"You've got problems, hah, your boyfriend cheated on you. Oh how horrible!"
She ended up getting sick of looking t these magazines, and walked back to her room and laid down. Thoughts stirred in her head. Luke, she had called him before the cops arrived, but nobody answered. The message she left was full of tears and no words. She wondered if he had thought she was mental for doing so, leaving a message like that after they had broken up. She could not bear to hurt him, and knew she was falling hard, and she did not want him coming down with her. So she left him. Dirk, she called him before the fight, to see if he could ease her pain. He did not care if she was in tears, or on the brink of losing it. They had been broken up for about a month before, on their six month anniversary. He played her heard, got her addicted, and tore her apart once he had fully grasped her.
Leya still loved him, and tears formed in her stinging eyes. She did not know what to do or how to feel anymore.
Suddenly, the nurse walked in and looked dead straight at her. "You're not allowed to go in your room during the day," she nagged.
Leya got up and slowly walked to the door, head pounding once again. She did not want to go back out there, forbidden territory. She did not want to have to deal with the others. She walked out in the hallway, unwillingly, and went towards the front desk. Standing there, talking to the head nurse was Rhonda, wanting her medication, because "apparently" they have not given them to her yet.
Rhonda started to freak out, and all of a sudden, she was laying on the floor. Leya was immediately struck, this was the only one here who was somewhat like her, now what! The doctors were called, and immediately checking her heart rate and breathing. They picked her up and sat her down, until she finally "came back". Apparently she had chocked on plastic which she was chewing on from her straw from breakfast. What an amazing person to befriend.
School started soon after that. Everyone seemed to be in the loop of things besides Leya. She asked the Nurse where to go and they sent her to room four.
In room four they were watching a video on art. One of those videos you watch in second grade in art class. One of the girls asked the teacher if she could paint, because she's seen this video before, last week, and Leya joined her.
Instead of painting, Leya wrote with paints. She wrote a poem about pain and anger. The teacher came up to her, looked oddly at her, and walked away.
One of the girls, Laquita, Leya's roommate, asked for water for her paint. The teacher looked at her, and told her if she doesn't drink it again, she can use it. Apparently that is the reason they keep the paint water locked up in the file drawer. How bizarre. Laquita nodded, and the teacher took it out for her.
Halfway through class they were given the opportunity to go on the computers, or to continue to draw. Leya chose to go on a computer, which amazingly had Oregon Trail. She named them : Dirk, Luke, Leya, Madre, Condor, and Maria. To her surprise, they all died within the first 15 minutes. Leya was enraged, and decided to get off and continue writing. It wasn't long before she started writing that they decided to play Bingo.
This class was for ages thirteen and up, yet it seemed like it was for ages four to twelve. At the end of class, Leya was pulled out to talk to the psychiatrist.